Thursday, November 4, 2010

MY LIFE....

Biography of Myself
            I took my first breath at 12:30 am in a beautiful country in the Dominican Republic called La Vega. I was given the name Blanca Iris , after one of my dad’s father singers. I was of light complexion and had the cutest button nose and extremely chinky eyes.  Many say I was and still am exactly like my mother. Which to this day I take as a compliment. We lived in a beautiful and small green house with everything a little kid could possibly want, with the exception of a pony. Which till this age I still want and haven’t seen the smallest inclination of ever getting. I did have a beautiful small dog that I was told, I would always chase around the house or in my case, crawl after. Although, things did change after my mother gave birth to my sister Sobeida. My parents no longer lived together but my father still came around. We lived there for about 2 more years until my mother realizes that she wanted more and she could only get that in New York City. Needless to say, my father stayed behind.
            I was 4 and my sister was 2 when we first came here. Unfortunately I don’t remember much of how things were at first. I do have memories of going to school in P.S.19Q for the first time. My mom said I was so scared and terrified, but it was mostly of riding a bus to school than actually being in school. I find that story to be so adorable. My aunt Kathy who also lived with us would teach me how to read and write in English. I guess being so young I picked it up pretty fast because by the time I was in kindergarten, I could already write my name, say the ABCs and count to 100. I loved playing with my sister and my little cousin Andy after school. We had a very large backyard and all the kids would come there to play and have fun especially in the summer time. Since we couldn’t go to the beach all the time we always got to play with the hose outside and jump around. My Grandmother Gloria, May she Rest in Peace, would always find a way to make it a chore for us and would trick us into cleaning the backyard while playing with the hose. She was a smart one and we loved her for that.
            Everything was pretty much the same until I was 8 and my mother decided that my sister and I were going to go to the Dominican Republic for the summer. I was very nervous because since the time that I came here when I was 4, I hadn’t been back like my sister. She would go every summer because she wasn’t in school yet. So off we went, back to the Dominican Republic, to see my family and my dad once again. In the four years that I had spent here in NY, not once had I heard from him, I barely remembered what he looked like. I don’t remember much but I know I cried when I had to leave, I’d never been away from my mom and this was a challenge. I stayed in DR for a year because my mother was being kicked out of the house by my other aunts and wanted to make sure we were ok while she looked for another place for us to live. I thought this was extremely unfair but after my mother moved, the apartment where we used to live was burned and everyone had to leave. What I’m about to say may sound rude but that’s karma. Well, while in DR, I went to school and got to know my dad better and found how that I have more brothers and sisters from his side. Were 11 in total, going from a 26 year old brother and a now 1 year old baby brother.  The only thing that made living out there bearable was that I meet my first love, Junior, it was great until I had to return to NY.
            It’s been 10 years since I came back from the Dominican Republic and I miss it dearly. I’ve graduated Junior High School and recently graduated Newtown High School last summer. Junior High wasn’t fun at all, it was more of a boring version of High School. At least I can say I may a lot of friends who I adore till this day. As for High School, it had a lot of ups and downs but luckily I survived.  Now I’m just looking forward to the college life. I can’t wait. University of Phoenix here I come.

love??


“My love…my world…my everything”  Words used to describe the person your sharing your life with, for the moment being. Words used to express your “love” towards that person. Until someone new comes along and they become “your love, your world and your everything”. My question is when do those quotes or words of affection become too much. How long till they lose all meaning and all true sentimental value is gone. How many “loves” can one person have and when is it really felt as well as meant? When does the word “my everything” become “just another one” or “just for the moment”? 

Overused, unappreciated, unexplainable? In other words, “I love you”. Love is no longer that feeling that brings butterflies to your stomach or make your heart feel like its going to explode. Its now just another emotion that is being overused to explain a certain feeling for an insignificant object, toy, day, color, food, pet, money,  and music. What happened to “ I like this…” or “I really like this…or that”.Now everything is “I love this and that” WTF!!??? You cant say or show an emotion if you don’t really know the meaning or value behind it. Its not an everyday word. It’s a word that even the great Shakespeare struggled to  explain the sensations it brought. Every poet, before and after him had trouble. And yes, I get it, it’s a common word but once again WTF??!!.. unless you’ve spent your whole life searching for the meaning of the word “LOVE” don’t OVERUSE IT. Its become such an unappreciated word that its losing its value, its spark, its umph! But I can agree with some people when they say, love is unexplainable, its unconditional and sometimes unobtainable if you don’t value it correctly. I can sit here all day and write to you what I think love is but all I can say is that for the moment being, love is this crazy emotion that stays with me throughout the day without having to try. It’s the only emotion that can overshadow any other dark feeling. Its not a feeling I just get out of nowhere or that I just push hard enough to blow it out my ass, no! it’s a 24/7, 365 day a year  fucking feeling that you have for another being. Not just any someone, I mean that someone that stays in your head no matter what your doing, no matter how hard your day is and how shitty you feel. They don’t bring a smile to your face, they keep that smile constant at all moments, which may seem impossible but if you really love someone, itll be hard to keep that smile hidden.